Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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