Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
