the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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