I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
