if you like me you must not know who I am
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
