In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
