I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
