This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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