If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
