I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
