I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Moan for me like Helen Keller
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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