My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
