I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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