i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
