i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
