chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
