He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
