oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
