i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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