my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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