Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
