Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
