yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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