Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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