you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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