my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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