I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
