you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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