I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
