Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
