Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
