So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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