My room smells like vodka and shame
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
