i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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