And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
