If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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