it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
