you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
