Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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