very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
