They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
