so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
