Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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