I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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