I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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