dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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