my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
