did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
