i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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