that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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