At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
