she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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