i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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