so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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