I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Farmville is her only friend.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
