Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
