No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
