PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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