The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
